Alone

Having grown up with five brothers and sisters, I’ve lived most of my life surrounded by people. As a teenager I hated that I had to share a room with my sisters, but most nights turned into giant sleepovers with my best friends. I learned how to share the bathroom, get along with others, and keep my room clean.

Even after departing the nest to go to college, I always lived with several roommates. Surrounded by some of my closest friends, I was always happiest around other people. Alone time was hard to find, but I was used to that.

As an extravert, being around people fills me with energy. I love meeting new people and being an insider in every social circle. Simply walking into a room filled with people makes me excited.

My bike provides an opportunity to explore by myself

During the summer after my first senior year of college, I took an internship with an international logistics company in Kansas City. A friend’s parents generously let me live in their basement for the summer in a suburb with a short commute to my job.

For the first time in my life, I was living alone.

That summer was one of the most difficult times of my life. Although I had many friends in the Kansas City area, none of them lived near my suburban basement. After a long day at work, it was difficult to find the motivation to drive 30-45 minutes to hang out with friends in other parts of the city.

Fortunately, my friend’s parents were very welcoming, treating me like one of their own children. We spent evenings watching the news together and cooking family dinners. Over the course of the summer, after many good conversations, various house projects, and my car breaking down in the driveway, I gained an extra set of parents.

But it was the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.

However, in that loneliness, I learned to be alone. I trained for a marathon, I read books, and I spent time just thinking. Those were things that I usually didn’t have time for in my regular, people-centered life.

And the loneliness slowly faded into a new kind of happiness. Happiness in being alone.

That summer in Kansas City was training for my life as a Peace Corps Volunteer. Although I spend most of my waking hours surrounded by people, I find that I require more alone time to find energy for myself. Time to spend reading, journaling, and napping.

Most mornings are spent running on these bush trails.

In Pular, wuldegol means to be lonely or to miss. If you’re missing someone, you’re lonely. If you’re alone, you’re lonely. And none of those things are bad. It’s not uncommon for someone to ask if you’re lonely if you’re sitting by yourself or hanging out alone in your room.

It’s normal to be lonely.

In American culture, there is a stigmatism attached with being lonely. If you’re lonely, there must be something wrong with you. Alone, you’re broken and you need someone to come alone and fix you. You must not have any friends, you work too much, or you are socially dysfunctional.

So people turn to Facebook and Twitter and Instagram to take away the lonely feeling. To prove to themselves that other people are lonely, just like them. But, instead, they see individuals living supposedly awesome lives and, instead of feeling cheerful, they find themselves even more isolated.

Sometimes people associate loneliness with being alone, but that’s not true. The loneliest of times can occur when you find yourself fenced in by people, somehow cut off from the human connections we so desperately desire. But the happiest times can take place when you’re alone in a room with only your thoughts.

Afternoons are spent drinking tea and hanging out with my family

Learning to be alone hasn’t been easy, and I still find the most energy when encircled by people, but the journey has been rewarding. I’ve learned to find happiness in alone time, peace where social anxiety used to reign.

Just like happiness, loneliness is a decision we get to make every day. We can choose to let external circumstances govern our lives, or we can resolve to rise above them. Instead of allowing the noise of our busy world to fill our heads, we can find respite in silence.

Today, I hope you choose to be alone.